Executive Order #1 - To Extend Cordiality to Friends Well Met

By the authority vested in me as resident of the United States of America and by her laws and her Constitution, and in order to provide for a more rich and indelible individual freedom, it is hereby ordered as follows:
All residents and citizen and visitors to the territories and Republic of the Unites States of America shall be extended cordiality at all times, until such evidence is rendered that would make a reasonable person think they are not a friend well met. At such time, they will be bound over to an authority if by misdemeanor or felonious activity they have breeched any relevant code, statute, civil decree, or governing act.

Sec. 1 GENERAL PROVISIONS - Nothing in this Executive Order shall be construed to impact any governing statue as issued by the current executive authority, but should be considered the realized work of a member of the People, who in the aggregate are enshrined in the founding documents of our Fatherland. As in the aggregate, so in the particular as all rights not expressly granted in the Constitution shall devolve to us and (more specifically) to me, the Executor of the People who is cloaked and adorned with the power to operate my own press and say what I want.

Sec. 2 IMPLEMENTATION - This Order shall go into full effect upon the full elapse of thirty (30) days from this date set forth by this instrument and by this hand or until noticed and acted upon by the true and forthright.

Sec. 3 - ENFORCEMENT - The Attorney General of The United States of America shall hereby establish such enumerations of authority commensurate with the ability to furnish to all districts of the States and the Territories able agents of enforcers who may ensure that cordiality is maintained in its aspects and good nature from man to man, woman to man, person to person, and business to business, and peer to peer. Those wishing no cordiality to be extended to them should expect none and may remain unencumbered by any desire to gain their acceptance. They may be left alone in quiet enjoyment of their solitude. If someone needs jumper cables, give them a jump. If they need you to take a group shot with their picture taking device because they lack a selfie stick, take their photo with their phototronic device. If someone needs to know how to get to San Jose, tell them if you know the way.

Sec. - COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING - This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

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United Airlines Ejects Flyer

Here is what I think happened. The gate agent, who needs to seat the crew and has been told by their superior 'just do it!', on their own volition calls the Chicago Aviation Dept. "officers". One is plainclothes with the jaunty attitude to match. Others are in uniforms that identify them as police, when they actually aren't. The plainclothes dude fetches something out of his pocket. It could be a tic tac (you don't want to get up in someone's face if your breath is unsatisfactory, now do you?), it could be a roll of quarters. I'll go with the roll of quarters/blunt-palm-sized-small-object thingy.

Jaunty plain clothes guy loves his job. He has studied every facet of being a hired rent-a-cop. He has a whole repertoire of pain compliance moves that he has learned from YouTube videos (since he probably lacks regular academy training since it is not required for his particular job). He has his favorite go-to's like pinching nerves in the wrist, different painful positions he can place joints or fingers in, but nothing works as quickly an effectively as putting a roll of quarters in your fist and jabbing someone right in the face. It's been said many times that whatever script you are working with gets thrown to the floor the minute you get hit in the face. It sure changed the doctor's day.

Then his hillbilly friends in their fake constumery haul the now thoroughly compliant and bloodied man who defied their authority off the plane and hand him over to the airline (or rather their sub-contracted regional carrier whose pilots don't earn what UAL pilots earn, and whose gate agents don't have the same contract as UAL, and whose policies vary. They receive a guy with missing teeth, a broken nose, and a concussion, and they say, 'Jeez, what did you guys just do?'

It all has a happy ending, though. The rent-a-cops say 'You said get him off the plane. We got him off the plane.' They leave to go to the vending machine and spend a few quarters on soft drinks after a hard day, and the gate agent, who probably didn't follow procedure since the aircraft pilot should've executed the command to remove the passenger and the pilot didn't execute anything, panics and lets the guy re-board, because that will fix everything, right? Well, wrong.

So, the video hits social media like Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, and about a couple hundred million people have the exact same thought at nearly the same time, which is 'flippin' airlines suck, man', because they do. In fact, we're all about sick and tired of being told by all our corporate overseers to fill out this form, and comply with this or that directive, and to press 1 if you are calling to be transferred to a dark nether region, and press 2 if you want to spend the next forty minutes chasing your tail in another direction. Yes, we are getting about tired of their crap too.

The fact is whenever a couple-a-hundred million people say the same thing at the same time, there's not a lot a rent-a-cop can do. And if Federal Marshalls, FBI agents, and other Federal Security Officers have turned themselves into rent-a-cops by selling their patches to the highest bidder, then they too are vastly outnumbered and ill-equipped themselves. If that happens, it is their own fault. The honor that is bestowed on them for doing their jobs is besmirched if they think that honor has anything to do with privilege instead of responsibility. The responsibility extracts far more than the privilege gains! They are in a losing business if they want to sell their honor to sit with the rich folks that will buy it. Namely, they will get screwed, and the coffee won't be as good as the coffee back on post when it was cold as all get-out but you still stood your post and kept an eye out the whole time. That was the responsibility part, and if you don't want the responsibility the people reserve the right to take it back. See, happy ending just like I said.

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