News Roundup - The Media Reports

Secretary of "Defense" Donald Rumsfeld speaking to reporters in Singapore said today that China needlessly projects power.

Asked for comment, China rolled her eyes and murmered, "Oh, that is...rich.
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In other news, President Bush recently told reporters that Amnesty International's assertion that Guantanamo represents a "Gulag for our time" was "absurd".

Asked to comment, a detainee straining to speak with his neck under the heel of a soldier at Guantanamo said, "Unhuuhhah! [unintelligable....] Ahhh, unnnghh!"
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Reached from beyond the grave, former President Richard M. Nixon asked to comment on the revelation of a former FBI official as "Deep Throat" and Jeb Magruder's past mention that the break-in of the DNC headquarters was ordered by the President himself said, "I guess I am a crook."
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Vice President Dick Cheney said of the recent violence in Iraq, "I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency."

May was the deadliest month of the Iraq war for part-time American servicemen.

Reached for comment in the Afterlife, Mark Twain mused, "The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a man only tells them with all his might."