An Open Letter To Karl Rove

Mr. Karl Rove
Assistant to the President and Senior Advisor to the President
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500


Dear Mr. Rove,

It has come to my attention that the Executive Branch of the U.S. Government and the Agencies under its Administration are endeavoring to spread the Gospel of Our Leader's vision for His glorious second term in new, innovative ways. As has been recently noted, The Dept. Of Moral Education recently paid Townhall.com columnist Armstrong Williams $240,000 for "consulting" services, and the U.S. Department of Health and Christian Services recently paid Universal Press Syndicate columnist Maggie Gallagher $21,500.00 to promote President Bush's efforts to encourage marriage (something I am all for -- it worked for me). Sir, I am an unemployed blogger enduring great hardship in the heartland. I would like to offer my services.

You need a tout? I will tout, sing praise, evangelize, subtly hint, frame, prevaricate, posit, crow, interlocute, triumph, disseminate, and promote any idea that the President may wish to have favorably portrayed. As an entrepreneur, I am prepared to offer my services far more cost effectively than the aforementioned writers simply to provide additional value to your endeavor.

I can offer valuable inroads to the Progressive demographics necessary for the success of bold initiatives such as Reforming Social Security and Ownering in an Ownership America! See, these people know me and I know them. I can be a persuasive mover in their midst so as to introduce more dimension to their keening diatribe of dissent. Those lefties will listen to me when I say they ought to give more thought to private medical accounts. They will stand up and take notice when I say that Freedom is more important than "freedoms" and Freedom shall Stand! I can do this for a modest five figure sum during an initial term of 180 days and help achieve the results this nation so badly needs.

I am anxious to get started and I know that the Agenda waits for no one! Just let me know what initiatives you would like to see hustled out there in the Great Marketplace of Ideas and I will get Right on it! I am happy to serve the great cause of Freedom in this way. After 180 days, if you like the results that I GUARANTEE, we can further negotiate an equitable remuneration.

I am ready to bear witness. I am your loyal drone for a small fee. Please CALL TODAY!

yada yada yada,

obelus